What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
