Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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