New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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