Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
