I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
