farters have to be the big spoon...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
