gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
