As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
