He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
