Fuck appropriateness.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
