Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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