Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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