You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
