you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
