So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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