the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
