I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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