She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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