I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
