and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
