Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
