Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
