you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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