So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
