is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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