He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
