She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize