I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
