She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
