Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Text me some of your sweat
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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