dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
