dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
