I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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