Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
