She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
