I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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