Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
