I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
