woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
