I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
