It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize