he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
