there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
