Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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