Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
