someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
