My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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