when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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