You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
