I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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