He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
