then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
