I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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