Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
