I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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