wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
