your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
