just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
