Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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