how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
