you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
