Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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