WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
