Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My feet surprised me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize