So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
