Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize