I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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