You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
