The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
