We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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