Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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