i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
