If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I need a burrito and a hug.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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