Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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