they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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