i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
