Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
