walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
