I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
