Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
