I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
