he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize