Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
