in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
