I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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