you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
