i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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