I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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