how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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