We're like a lot better than the average bears
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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