one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
