he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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