And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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