Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
