marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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