while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
