i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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